What If?

 Honestly, I'm scared.

I'm worried for what the future holds.

What if it doesn't end okay?

What if they do the surgery and it's worse than they thought?

What if?

If. That tiny little word that changes everything. If and is.What could be and what will be. What may happen and what will happen. The difference between comfort and pain. Between heartache and joy.

Why am I wondering these things?

My Mama has been having some trouble. It happened first three years ago. It was diagnosed as a ministroke. They told Mama she had a brain tumor but it was nothing to worry about. She had another a few weeks ago.

Sometime in the near future, that benign brain tumor, which was the size of a pea and is the size of a golf ball, will be removed.

What if they go in and it's worse?


What will happen to my Mama? 


Why is God letting this happen?


There's a more important question.


Why wouldn't He? 


The question "Why?" can be dwarfed by the question of  "Why not?" 


Because there's a greater purpose.


I'm reminded of a C.S. Lewis quote. 


"Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted in spite of your changing mood."


Why am I reminded of this?


Because I'm having trouble trusting what I have written. 


Because sometimes all we see are the ifs. 


Sometimes all we see are the possibilities.


Sometimes all we can see are what can go wrong.


Sometimes all we can see is what could go right.


But I serve a God who knows both.


He knows what will happen.


He knows what I will do.


He cares about what we're going through.


He knows and cares and does.


"God is our refuge and strength,
    a helper who is always found
    in times of trouble."


Psalm 46:1 HCSB


Please pray for my family as we go through this hard time.